Whats it called?

Hello, its 9th August 2023. An overdue post but this blog is definitely too old for a cliche opening. 

I recently lost a friend. Not lost from this world, just lost. Funny how I never saw this coming and even funnier that I was sso devastated.

I get so fumingly angry thinking how silly it ended. Angry that I couldnt turn around time and avoided this from happening, sad that I couldnt even identify how a heartbroken person would look like!

I was upset that I was continuosly thinking what I could have done differently and so bothered that it was never actually my fight to battle in the first place. I was googling the word I had in my head to explain what this was, but I couldnt find it; what is this called?

What do you call when two parts collide resulting the middle part (or other parts) to eventually break? I really cant put my finger to where or how it started. Both parts were struggling, both parts were trying and both parts were...human. 

Maybe I am wrongly angry for the wrong things. Maybe I am too attached to dead plants. Bukan pokok pokok tumbuhan, that phrase "stop watering dead plants". I wanted to keep watering this dead plant, I wanted it to live, I wanted it to keep blooming like it always used to..I still remember all those good times and I am still hoping for those good times. I just wanted it so badly that I was totally blinded for a second. Watering dead plants requires water, energy, dedication and time (from me and apparently from me alone?). I was wrong thinking that a dead plant could return to its blooming phase. It was brutal. One sided and estranged.

Oh I remember now, this is what we call collateral damage. But im better, been better. Im not always this dramatic talking in metaphores. Its a year to year basis thing. 

Oh life.