One of those sad nights.

Embrace. Feel. Breathe. 

Some nights just take you aback. Bring you down memory lane, about all the things that never made it to today. The flashback of those heart aches, flashback of those dark days. What a night to absorb all that pain. 

Disclaimer: Most of my nights, aren't this gloomy. 

I was asked "who are you most comfortable to share everything with?". My answer is..no one. Yes, I share most things with the people closest to me. But to think about one person who knows everything about me, the good and bad about me, the layers of me, all of me. I dont think I shared that bit to anyone. Im comfortable knowing only I know that bit. 

You see, when you share something to another person, sometimes...it feels like they can never understand. Of course they say they understand, but their face reeks of confusion and that body language, trying to express sympathy; then, youre just there. Wondering why you even share things. Oh and it makes sense again, I have trust issues too.

Sometimes, I imagine a long night walk, or a simple car ride, alone. I imagine the wind breezing through my skin, the music so light and gentle, no direction, and unclear with my own decisions in life. Some nights just break you, those lonely nights. Im sorry this one is a bit dark. 

I've identified that I hate rejection, and maybe I even have issues with rejection. I easily let go first, rather than fight because whats the point of fighting so hard? If in the end, you lose anyways? I hate how rejection makes you feel, almost unworthy, defeated and choiceless. 

How to feel safe but not feel like people feel sorry and sympathies you?

What a night, 539km away from my parents. I miss my parents a lot too.