Changes

 13th February 2022 ; I have some questions for you. 

1. How do you move on?

2. How do you embrace changes?

3. How do you love unconditionally?

Well for me. I only figured out (quite late) that I was very denial about moving on. My defense mechanism is shutting down all what I feel and running away or straining myself from feeling any way vulnerable. I have always coped with shutting things out and hated the idea of confrontation. I find myself faking half of the stuff I feel, so that I dont have to bare the pain of betrayal or hurt. I hurt others first before anyone can hurt me so that I feel better about myself as if I have the upper hand on a situation. Yikes. I know. I definitely have issues. I dont like rejection, heck who does, am I right? Moving on and Rejection are two things that should not go together but always does anyways. So I only realized, moving on wasnt about forgetting what the person did to you but its about accepting what will never make it to today. Atleast to me, this is what moving on means. 

I get that changes are so necessary. Change can be good in so many ways, change = progress. Change is an indication that things are moving, either I like it or not. Change happens. So here we are at, embracing change when I am still crawling to understand how to move on.  I appreciate changes, its refreshing and it reminds you to another oppertunity. But change can also mean that you are no longer inclusive or exclusive. Meaning that you could probably no longer be relevant or probably somewhere along the lines of relevancy. Changes can also mean that you have to accept newness. Something so unfamiliar and wide. All things take time. Kononnya time will heal kind of situation, but be honest, time doesnt heal, time just shows whos still trying and who willing to still try. 

Now, how to love unconditionally?

 You know what I notice about American movies/series. They potray so much about "loving unconditionally" without boundaries and I personally think thats horse sh*t. Loving unconditionally is not a walk at the park. Its loving the darkest layers of betrayal and its a lot of work. Loving unconditionally means no question asked kind of love level. Regardless of the mistakes and past. Loving unconditionally takes a whole lot of everything. I do believe it exist, eventho most time i feel like its horse sh*t. 

I dont know, tomato tomato. I'm still understanding and certainly not sure at what point of age will things will be easier.