28 March 2020 / 1:14 AM

At night sometimes I randomly have thoughts flashing through my mind. I wonder about myself all the damn time, I know I have been told that I am clumsy. I should be more careful, should look before I walk, should think before I speak etc etc. For me, I feel like I have always been the type to speak out about how I feel in that current moment. If you talk to me, and I feel a certain feeling, you would hear it. I dont hold my tongue, results are, either Ill get blacklashed or Ill get the "love your honesty". I like both, and am prepared for both.

I figured out, that academically, I am not the most brightest or even wisest. However, I have always keep my chin high up. Play it smooth, I can thank my confidence for that. If im right or wrong, it doesnt matter.  All I care is that, I went full force with what I know and what I could have done. Also have been told how I am so overconfident about things. I was fine with being over confident, because I felt like I need that small bit inside me to keep me at ease and have some faith in my own self. Im not always so proud of myself, I have my gloomy days too.

Sometimes I would feel left behind or would just hid my sorrow away when people laugh about my slowness of picking up on things. I never really bothered, but when things hit you. It just hits hard. I might not be the smartest, but Im for sure smart in other ways. I believe so, however, it hits differently sometimes when you notice things. Lets say in marvels or any sort of movies, but I understand story lines and what went down. I am not an object of laughter. Or lets say, I dont remember how to play cards, and dont understand rules. If I were to back out, just then, no one would be playing but instead I learn from time to time. I am again, NOT an object of laughter. 

I might not be the smartest, but I am reliable. Hand me down a task, I would complete it by all means. I am resilient, as far as I can be. I am brave, I can learn and am willing to learn every day. I will do everything that I can, if/when I wish to. 

I havent been feeling like myself lately, not sure why. 

Anyways, today is the 10th day of Restriction Movement Order (RMO) due to covid19. An absolute threat caused by a highly contagious virus. Malaysia now, has more than 2000 cases and more than 20 deaths. We are all praying for a better tomorrow and a greater day for all. May God protect.