the lost wanderer

So they say, not all that wonders, are lost. 

What if you wondered too far? youre just left lost & uncertain. Well, thats how i completely feel. Lost. During a philosophy of tourism class, i read up a writing that sounded like this;

Sometimes I get this crazy dream, 

I just take off in my car, 

But you can travel on 10,000 miles, 

And still stay where you are. 

Well, here i am. Stuck. Stuck constantly questioning myself "What on earth am i doing?"

I have been travelling back and fourth from bangi to puncak alam.

Indeed, an hour and ten minutes drive. return trip of approximately of 120km. 

The things i do for the comfort of my own. My parents, people around me, and just common every day people do question why do i ulang-alik? isnt it tiring?......most of the time, i say it isnt that bad, atleast i get my home and my bed. After awhile now, im second thinking the worth of my bed, cause my body and mind, are just exhausted. 

Im lost thinking of where am i heading to? I practically know the answer as cliche as it sounds but know i am, a servant of god..so i should be heading towards that direction. I am planning to, slowly but surely towards that direction. However, im certain, lifes nothing but a beautiful adventure and there are plans far way better than the plans i sketch in my head. .......Just...now. 

Now? 

Where am i going? This could be just my body telling me that i am tired and my mind screaming to my brain to hold the breaks and have that kitkat (the chocolate that so called emphasizes that a person should enjoy a break with a kitkat) or could it be that being 24 is oddly confusing, of friends getting married, graduating, working...actually going thru adulthood. Then here I am, a amira nasuha, confused about my directions.

Im tired of waking up at 6 and sleeping at 10. Im tired of not feeling the vibrant side of a student life, wondering and rushing over small things, im tired of not being the person I used to be. I loved adventures. I love embracing newness. Where did that all go? Dreadfully, exhausted, lost and drenched with unhappy emotions. I hate that i gained weight and my skin is constantly playing games, healing and breaking out.

I need a break. *clicks the refresh button* *in my mind*